Pressure vs Frustration = Foul Play!

will i ever regret if someone took this calculator and lead me to beato angelico?


PRESSURES vs. FRUSTRATION

these two words represent 2 most important thing for me as of the moment... only few knows what happened lately.

pressures lead me to frustration, but as i am closer to my frustrations in life, i can't detach myself from all the pressures i had.

i may have said that i haven't dreamed myself as an accountant, but studying other than accounting? i think i would definitely miss that. i see myself in the field of arts, but studying arts, i don't think so.

i may be the weirdest person in earth to have such problem, but i am.

so here's a scoop of what happened lately, its a first for me to fail a subject. its something i can't control then for pressures are really striking me not to study. Why does I is in FAILURE? got this from kyle, and shit.. I am the reason why i failed that subject, though my parents are pushing that my extra-curriculars are the reason. This is the result of not studying, not having interest to studying, not having hopes in this field i am on.

the fear of higher accounting made me lose everything. frustrations arise and lead to a foul play. i took that subject and just flunked it with no effort and interest.

i've been talking to almost everyone who knows my problem, and they have different opinions and perspectives. Its a sign for me to shift... its a way to wake me to study hard in accounting... and other comments to take note.

if others whom i know flunked higher accounting subjects, and even got debarred, what more can i do by the time i got there? its stupid to think about it and make myself in fear... i played FOUL, to really end up relaxed and let my own grades fall down and i somewhat regret for not fighting fair. this is not me.. not me.

i know that i failed the hopes of my closest friends, their hopes which gave me the strength during my dark days... i failed them as well.



I NEED HELP! to be able to decide and act quickly for time is really running out... and finally regret that someone took my calculator.


pressure and frustration is how i relate accountancy vs. the field i really wanted to pursue.

18 Pressures

"don't just study to pass, study to learn as well. Don't just aim to get a good grade but aim to simply do your best; remember, YOUR GRADES WON'T DEFINE WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT KIND OF A PERSON YOU ARE.

You are greater than your fears, so stay tough and don't give up yet. Also always bear in mind that there are some things that we don't have to think about, but rather to pray for."

- a text message from Dennis Alfonso :P


well, true enough..

rather than thinking of how to celebrate an occassion, might as well treat it as an ordinary day to learn from tons of my mistakes. A year full of rapid changes, a year of problems and challenges that leads to another chapter that is still uncertain.

i just realized that i've been thinking much about my grades, the grades per se and not how to gain knowledge from what i've been taking up. its like, i've been studying and going to school for the sake of using the tuition fee that i paid to take Accountancy.

though my friends and my extra-curricular stuffs puts meaning to my stay in this college, yet, the real purpose is missing, the real training to be an accountant. having an ARKI lanyard is an excuse, dreaming to be an architect, using my own skills to achieve my dreams.

i never realized myself computing numbers in the first place, i aspired to be someone in front of a drawing table, or flying to other countries, or directing my own movie, or even having my own photo gallery.

ok, i grabbed the fate to be an accountant, but my heart is still adjusting to such, and in UST-AMV, i guess adjusting needs to be very fast-paced, no time must be wasted, but i'm wasting my time still thinking about such, wasting chances to uplift my grades.

i will not deny that i made myself a candidate for debarment, and i don't know what would happen to me if ever. (knocks on wood) i just hope that i could make a way to finish things the way it supposed to be, though delayed.. like justin hebreo said earlier "lahat naman makakagraduate, hindi nga lang sabay-sabay.. sabay ka na sakin" shit. haha!



well, the pressure is in me, to survive in this battlefield and remain standing amidst all challenges and fears...

i have to be strong.. to conquer this battle. for my friends, to the whole a8 kada, my ASC family, my a10 classmates, my highschool friends, and to everybody else who are there and witnessed a part of me.

GAMBATTE!!

in the midst of the cold night

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in then I start to see
The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be

I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took that you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't wanna lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room

I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

The bed I'm laying in is getting colder
Wish you never would have said it's over
And I can't pretend I won't think about you when I'm older
'Cause we never really had our closure.
This can't be the end
End

I really miss your hair in my face and the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me


Better than me - Hinder


-----------------------------------------

I don't know what happened then, the blame is probably is on me. Its hard to be in such, had nothing to do and don't know how to get back.

The night is getting colder, and the problems even gets things worse. No closure perhaps, I'm still hoping and she's always been there. No problem as it seems, but there would always be that barrier.

I know I haven't done anything right... Just popped out of my mind in the midst of a long cold night.