been too passive...

"letting go of my dreams and to live according to others"

for the past merely 2 months, i've been hearing words and stuffs, asking about my decision and plans, well isn't weird that others have been too concerned with me and i am not even bothering to ask myself with such questions. It's my future darn.

yesterday night, we celebrated paskuhan, oh yeah... after which the pageant peeps asked me to go with them, and so i did. hangin' out @ moa. kuya emman asked me about my plans, yet i don't have any, what strucked me is that he said that "buhay mo yan..."

oh yeah, its my damn life, yet i don't have the means to control my own, living in the expectations and wants of my parents, and setting aside my own freedom and decisions. I know for a fact that they have a point for being such, but i can't be the one who they want me to be. Shit, I wasted 3 years of my life thanks to them.

If you would ask others who know me way back in highschool, I am not acting myself right now. I am a person who will do everything for the sake of being one of the top, but now that I am facing one of the recessions in my life, the deepest i guess, I am not doing anything. Too relaxed and contented.

"Wake Up!" if only i could tell it to myself.. but sigh, its as if i am too afraid not to make another mistake again. its my life i am wasting for cryin' out loud..

I can no longer aim for my dreams. My parents decided back to continue the punishment they are trying to give me for years... with this, am i making another mistake of my life? why can't i focus myself to be the one they want me to be, i can and i sort of want to be an accountant but the means of being one is out of my reach.

I've been too passive about a life-changing problem... T_T