courage

a new chapter of my life is already been starting, additional cast, location, events and setting. i've been preparing myself since then, heck, i know i can but i am afraid of losing over my expectations. in order to move on, it is said that one must accept and learn how to deal with the past and for over 18 years of my life, i guess i might have accepted it but i would never forget the past. i am afraid of losing things i had then.

i almost had everything i wanted in life, somehow contented in the way it was, not perfect but i am happy, though i know i still have to move on with my life. i have to continue walking, holding on tight in faith and to everyone i am with, and with everything i had experienced and learned, my sources of courage to fight.

navelwort represents courage, a flower that gives the courage to fight. a simple plant yet reminds something to really consider. Fight!

bitterness from the past...

I thought you already had moved on. It has been more than 3 years now, I have my own life and you have yours, i might have hurt you in the past but it's your call. You started everything, everyone knows the real deal. I have no choice but to do what i have to, so stop pretending and move on with your stupid mistake. I have my own now, and i don't care if you are freakin' happy with your 2nd anniversary.

Remember, if not for me, you wouldn't be that person you are now, thinking that because of what I did, you learned the reality and facts of living a true life. One mistake is that you're still following my shadows and did not able to cope up with your own. Oh I thought you're happy? Stop your bitterness and let me live my own life, if you don't want to be friends and that's it.

I have my own life. She's way far better than you...

one more chance?

...even the sky will tell you that i need you so
for this is all i know, I'll never go far away from you...

Approximately a year ago when I started to say the magic words to her, and heck up to now I may not have that sweet commitment but I have her heart. Different ideals in life bounds our hearts apart, both caught in the game of circumstances. We decided temporarily to part ways and learn to move on, I can't and I don't know if she did, having the same communication we had then, its as if nothing had changed, giving me that hope to still hang on and fight.

Over a year of different trials and challenges, but still I don't know why I am holding on and keep fighting. I thought I got tired of everything, but heck, i just needed to rest and that's it, my heart will then continue this fight. I know she thinks of the same, I still do...

ang totoo hanggang ngayon umaasa pa rin ako na sabihin mo
sakin na ako pa rin.. ako na lang.. - basha

awkward legacy

" 'Awkward' is the word of the week" - Lil' bro Arch.

- Awkward -

During the past several months, others would really think that I am that confident and courageous enough to face the toughest persons in front of me, I guess its what I have learned in university grounds as i played with my friends, classmates and acquaintances, but deep inside that personality is a normal nerd simply trying to act out in front of the audience. Heck its for their entertainment and so as they can learn something for me.

Playing with the though players in the field give me the chance to learn how to gain that personality, I owe them big thanks! I remember Robin Calimag stated that "ganun talaga pag magaling madaming detractors at dapat wag kang magpa-api sa mga yun". or something like that. True enough, from a simple nerd, I can adapat and play out as if i can face all the world's problems.

Earlier, I went on to the battlefield with my lil' brother, being protected by our guardian angel, I ate the high ranking officials' dust for the sake of winning but we failed to surpass the battle for today. I couldn't even imagine that i can play with those officials thinking that they are high ranking than me, who's in their league is just an ordinary cadet from nowhere.

- Legacy-

The month opened with vast opportunities and events for me to somehow enjoy and appreciate despite the fact that i am currently bleeding as i am still fighting in the battlefield.

In the walls of the college is a reminder of the blood i shed, literally on the walls, putting my life at risk, may it be a reminder of the life i lost, hope i grabbed on to and experiences i gained upon my stay. Others may have greeted me with such legacy, but that would always be a reminder of the bittersweet feeling i had back then before they were put into hanging.

I even asked some professors about the essence of legacy in my being, a professor even gave me another opportunity earlier, heck a work that will be used for more than 20 years i guess and a legacy left which will in time go on as long as the university live.

I asked about the recognition and opportunities i am having still, heck i don't deserve much having a too imperfect life, but that imperfectness made me unique amongst the rest.

An awkward legacy i may leave upon continuing this fight i can call my own battlefield.

Same Ground

heck, what if your wound be touched by an angel? will it heal or will it still bleed?

if she could listen deeply to the cry of the wound bleeding, she would then understand the overlying essence of what i am saying all along. Figurative at it seems but its just a medium to express what i wanted to say.


Amidst the cold long days, i probably have myself numb of that wound, the cut that uncertainty had done. Being numb doesn't necessarily mean that i already have moved on. But being trapped in a cold situation makes me numb and forget things temporarily.

Being touched by an angel, heck, the coldness of the wound was healed as she tapped on my arm, without noticing it. And here i am writing again another blog about it, about that case, and about her.

Literally being tapped, it gave me the warmth i felt before as if we are still together, i remember all those days we had, everything that we had gone through. Though we all know that the trials and problems consumed most of the time we have together.

I remember that moment in the past, the warmth amidst that cold rainy day, the frogs almost upon your feet, the airplane we both talked about, the building and the cars that we almost hit and land on, the tears fell and the love i was longing for a long time ago.


After months, i'm standing alone in the same ground. I am still longing for you here beside me, but what can i do if you are finding back the friend you found in me a long time ago.

If all else fails, could you still be there for me?