awkward legacy

" 'Awkward' is the word of the week" - Lil' bro Arch.

- Awkward -

During the past several months, others would really think that I am that confident and courageous enough to face the toughest persons in front of me, I guess its what I have learned in university grounds as i played with my friends, classmates and acquaintances, but deep inside that personality is a normal nerd simply trying to act out in front of the audience. Heck its for their entertainment and so as they can learn something for me.

Playing with the though players in the field give me the chance to learn how to gain that personality, I owe them big thanks! I remember Robin Calimag stated that "ganun talaga pag magaling madaming detractors at dapat wag kang magpa-api sa mga yun". or something like that. True enough, from a simple nerd, I can adapat and play out as if i can face all the world's problems.

Earlier, I went on to the battlefield with my lil' brother, being protected by our guardian angel, I ate the high ranking officials' dust for the sake of winning but we failed to surpass the battle for today. I couldn't even imagine that i can play with those officials thinking that they are high ranking than me, who's in their league is just an ordinary cadet from nowhere.

- Legacy-

The month opened with vast opportunities and events for me to somehow enjoy and appreciate despite the fact that i am currently bleeding as i am still fighting in the battlefield.

In the walls of the college is a reminder of the blood i shed, literally on the walls, putting my life at risk, may it be a reminder of the life i lost, hope i grabbed on to and experiences i gained upon my stay. Others may have greeted me with such legacy, but that would always be a reminder of the bittersweet feeling i had back then before they were put into hanging.

I even asked some professors about the essence of legacy in my being, a professor even gave me another opportunity earlier, heck a work that will be used for more than 20 years i guess and a legacy left which will in time go on as long as the university live.

I asked about the recognition and opportunities i am having still, heck i don't deserve much having a too imperfect life, but that imperfectness made me unique amongst the rest.

An awkward legacy i may leave upon continuing this fight i can call my own battlefield.

Same Ground

heck, what if your wound be touched by an angel? will it heal or will it still bleed?

if she could listen deeply to the cry of the wound bleeding, she would then understand the overlying essence of what i am saying all along. Figurative at it seems but its just a medium to express what i wanted to say.


Amidst the cold long days, i probably have myself numb of that wound, the cut that uncertainty had done. Being numb doesn't necessarily mean that i already have moved on. But being trapped in a cold situation makes me numb and forget things temporarily.

Being touched by an angel, heck, the coldness of the wound was healed as she tapped on my arm, without noticing it. And here i am writing again another blog about it, about that case, and about her.

Literally being tapped, it gave me the warmth i felt before as if we are still together, i remember all those days we had, everything that we had gone through. Though we all know that the trials and problems consumed most of the time we have together.

I remember that moment in the past, the warmth amidst that cold rainy day, the frogs almost upon your feet, the airplane we both talked about, the building and the cars that we almost hit and land on, the tears fell and the love i was longing for a long time ago.


After months, i'm standing alone in the same ground. I am still longing for you here beside me, but what can i do if you are finding back the friend you found in me a long time ago.

If all else fails, could you still be there for me?

Aiming for that Black-Gold Flag

The castle may allow a battalion to conquer the same goal as I have. Yet, having the skills and being equipped with tactics would allow me to beat the rest.

- Strategic Alliance -

Oh yeah, BA5 (Marketing Principles) can be applied in this situation, that in order to obtain a favorable marketing outcome, strategic alliances will then be a need to survive and be able to establish linkages towards a same goal without harming each other.

Good thing I have a close friend with me, sharing the same concerns and sharing the resources needed in the battle. Giving each other the strength needed upon the challenge that our fate gave us both. Promised to help and support each other, mostly in times of need and in times of wound amidst the battle.

- Weapons of Mass Destruction -

Heck, these are all possible. May not give a physical damage yet it may give a huge explosion to the people in the battlefield. This weapons are not held illegal by the United Nations, why? for these are necessary weapons that may help mankind as they search for their goals. Disarmament policies would even shift its gears in order to allow such weapons.

Hope that I already have that secret chip. The key to possibilities and opportunities.

- Experience and Rank -

In kinds of this battle, a 5-star general insignia fits my suit. Being able to join and experience the battlefield for merely 3 years now. Just earlier the day, i helped my new recruits as they first experienced the battlefield. Hope that they be able to learn something and be able to catch their goal as they go on with this battle. Goodluck and Godbless Cadets!




The desire in aiming for that flag is something, doing best in the battle for conquest is everything.
Goodluck fellow soldiers and hope that we may all meet in the end, alive. :D

Should be strong... Movin' on.

got this line from David Archuleta's "a little too not over you."


I only have A WEEK LEFT and i am that decided to LEAVE and have another world of my own. I wouldn't tell all the details here, if ever i'll once again surpass this challenge, you folks would be the first to know.


Many would be shocked with my decision if they don't know the real deal behind that decision. But heck, it is me who chose that path. As what I have said to Dr. Relis, our college secretary,
"I don't have any other resort but to pursue with this decision."


Earlier, Justin Hebreo asked me if i have any REGRETS upon my FAILURES and SHIFTING, and I was stucked with that question and just continued eating my french fries, as if not asked and continue solving damn accounting problems. Although I dropped not that loud "Somehow, yes.."


All my papers are done and the classes will be over later on this day, exam weeks are up! and the rest of the succeeding days will be another challenge for me to face.


I will definitely MISS the life i have now, but I have to move on and gear ahead for a serious path I made for myself. Its my decision in order to cope up with the issue that I am currently dealing with.


All my bags are packed... Am I able to go? Am I ready to go?




Kuya Stu, can't wait for my New Lanyard :D

Year-Ender Blog and Countdown

since i've been hearing the word year-ender over the media and other stuffs, might as well do a blog summing up the whole year. the countdown reflected the important points of making my year memorable, marami pa ngang dapat sasama dun pero nilimit ko lang sa 20 :D

disclaimer: medyo bangag ako kaya please be cooperative with wrong terms grammar or whatsoever.. sa mga wala yung pangalan don't worry nasa puso ko naman pangalan niyo. naks! :P

i may summarize the previous 3 years with:


2005: is a year of INSPIRATION, striving towards a goal because of learning how to inspire myself, knowing those who are behind my back and learning how to deal with people around me well. Experienced the one of the early meaning of love and being inspired.


2006: year of DREAMS and REGRETS... a year that i almost hit my goal that time, already aimed my target, but neglected those chances... known the purpose of dreams in my life and wished i could turn back the time to do what i'm supposed to do. knowing the value of TIME. Fell into wrong decisions that made me realize about stuffs.


2007: a year full of CHANGES... from stagnation to an active lifestyle, changes of lifestyle, from a simple red warrior to an active tiger. having changes with my perspectives in life, priorities and dealing with people around. Dealing with friendship strengthened during this period, knowing more friends and learning to treasure them. Redefining flexibility in a good manner, maintaining balance in life.


--------------------------------------------------


2008 can be considered as the year of ASPIRATIONS and STRESS.


Top 20 Words, People, Things and Categories of the Year:
There are no actual criteria or tabulation used, its just me who ranked these up according to their effect in making my 2008 complete. ^_^



20. Sites (Multiply, Plurk, PEx, DeviantArt, etc.)

My Virtual Community... Somehow i managed to find great contacts in Multiply, Plurk, PEx, and DeviantArt. I knew some of them and had nice arguments and conversations, managed to learn from them as well, got tons of ideas in DeviantArt, knew great contacts in PEx and Multiply, and I am having fun Plurking.




19. AMV Faculty

Its a year that i was sort of attached to some of the faculty, not that close pero had the opportunity to work and bonded with them outside the classroom. Thanks for the support, help and being part of my year, Ma'am Ailil Alvarez, Sir Pierre Guimary, Sir JC Domingo, Sir Apollo Layug, Ma'am Emelita Samala, Ma'am Ness Pineda at Ate Shirley de Chavez. haha.^_^ (picture: with arch and ma'am ailil - walkout fashion show)




18. Summer Class @ Commerce

My 2 Months stay in Commerce is i can say short but fine, I knew some classmates. Sabi nila Julian, chumochorva daw ako nun.. haha. they've been teasing me with my girl seatmate from commerce. (lol peace..) Our professor is great! susme hats off to that professor though 2.75 lang ako pero ang talino super nung prof namin.. Just to clear things up, first take ko ng Calculus ah. haha. (defensive)

Na-Snatchan pa ako nung Summer (lol).




17. Music and Songs

Music and Songs have been part of making my whole year. Starting from "Tonight" by FM Static and "Fall for you" by Secondhand Serenade up to the midyear's "Forever" by Chris Brown to my recent favorites, Howie Day's "Collide" and Darius Danesh' "Live Twice". Considering the "LSS" or Last Song Syndrome coming from Project One's "Ang Sarap Dito", Rihanna's "Disturbia" and Metro Station's "Shake It".

Songs and Music. Sometimes I tend to relate a year with the songs memorable to that year.



16. Conversion

I'm too young for these stuffs! haha.. Okay having been introduced with this kind of setting freaked me out. though i know how to stand or deal with this. There would always be that bitterness? or i should say regret but not with the converstion of religion but with the person who wanted me to convert. (enough :P). PS: Well, are we to move on? *sigh*




15. Beyond the Limit (UST AMVCoA 4th College Week)

The AMV College Week is a blast! Though this is the week after my deep breakdown, sigh. I managed to be the technical director for the whole week on our major projects. It is also where i had the chance to learn new techniques and gather new ideas, thanks to external resources and to my Twin Brother Arch.

Pressure and Stress are all over the week, considering that I need to help in most of the activities which are even held in line with another one in a day. Thanks to the Accountancy Student Council. haha. Beyond the Limit! yeah. thinking that its a spoof of last year's "I am the Limit" theme, but no, it would just mean that if last year is the limit then might as well we can go beyond last year. A whole week of sheer pressure and stress.



14. Debarment

One of the strict policies of our university, which is much presented in our college. Casualties of failures are extremely outrageous and yet these are all aimed for the better of the students and the college. Last March and April was one of the worst, thinking that more than 10 of the class was hit with this policy, and majority of those 10 were my close friends.

Now I am starting to work on my research paper to be submitted in a defense this february about the effects of these kind of policies in the students' performance in the college.




13. dSLR Camera (darn it!)

One of the Greatest Frustrations of the Year (lol).. Although I experienced for a week to use it (so short) but i'll try to have one by next year. haha! I want to, I need to, and I will have one!. haha.




12. Highschool Peeps

This is a year wherein only debut and birthday parties are the way to get our class back together. I even failed to be in two of the many events of the year, sigh. (sorry cecil and kezia T_T). If I am not mistaken none of our class attended the SJA Homecoming last October. haha. I miss our class, sigh. Its also the first year since graduation that we haven't conducted our mini-reunion during summer. We have this year Izza's, Mary Rose's, AJ's, Cecil's, Kezia's (meron pa ba? hmm) and a bunch of moments where we had a chance to get together. (picture: AJ's 18th with izza, james, aibee, mary and maki)



11. Haggard and Stress!

Although these words run through my veins, its normal for me to experience these, but heck! they're getting worse. Way back in highschool, they have been calling me "HAGGARD BOY!" (miss that name), but its i guess twice as haggard as before. haha. I thought i can somehow relax in college but damn, its worse! haha.

Its unusual for a year for me not to experience this one. haha.



10. Architecture and CFAD

Yeah! My frustrations.. damn, they're far from reach. This year we (with Sitty and Kyo) went to CFAD to ask about stuffs about advertising. haha! We were then called by my council mates as the CFAD TRIO haha. amf.

Well there are still 3 months to think about stuffs. haha. So sad we couldn't take our dream Photog Course and AdPrac - Advertising Practice (sounds like Advac - Advanced Accounting) haha. Well heck, come what may, we can do something about this stuff, somehow.





9. MMAP (Mr. and Ms. Accountancy Personalities 2008)

Its a project that lasted for almost a semester, starting from its pre-pageant last July up to the main pageant night last November during the college week. Aside from being just a council activity, it is where I managed to almost be flexible, from conceptualizing the design, up to printing, pictorial, distribution of invitations (hirap nito ah), bonding with the candidates, making of the avps, presented an award, being the Technical Director of the whole production.

Its a project which honed my flexibility, thus considering that its my 2nd time to work with MMAP, but the intensity of work is higher this year. Thus, its a project that I will be proud of. Thanks to our Project Head, kuya Eman, directors kuya Earvin and Robin, Asst. director Jay, Stage Directors Krisha and Jetan and to the whole MMAP08 Team. I even had the chance to be bonded with the candidates, and thanks to you peeps. To Justin and Zarah, Goodluck to you both, kevin, alex, joseph, john, abrahm.. aral mabuti! :P, ambassadors of goodwill kyo and ana... ate bernice and ate jen! haha. ^_^ haha. Also to my recruits for the working team, rejean, chummy, sitty, iris and joc during the pre-pageant and pageant night. haha!




8. Contests and Finky! (Flicker, Float, Dulaang Rizal and my pink camera)

Its an achievement siguro na I managed to top 2 university-wide competitions, di ko akalain. . pero its all because of the efforts and support of my ASC family. my UBE-kada named my camera "FINKY" dahil sa pink color. haha.

Thanks to UST Central Student Council's Flicker Digital Art Contest this December and Student Organizations' Coordinating Council's (SOCC) Float and Body Painting Design Challenge last September. Pero hindi matatapos yung float without the help of the AMVCoA Board of Organization Activities and ASC.

Pero not all times ay nanalo ako or kami, our whole class, 2A8, gave good fight in the UST Department of Languages' Inter-Collegiate Dulaang Rizal. Wherein we managed to be the representative of the AMV College of Accountancy, among the rest of the 17 sections of the batch yeah!

1st Place, UST CSC Flicker Stories of Christmas - Digital Art Competition
1st Place, SOCC Float and Body Painting Design Contest (AMVCoA Team Captain)
AMVCoA Official Entry, UST Department of Languages' Dulaang Rizal Competition

7. 3A10 (1st Semester 2008-2009)

Although we only spent about a semester, and messed up in the Medicine Auditorium during the JPIA's General Assembly, in spite of these, I consider this section as part of making my whole year. Its nice to see that during the later part of the semester, we are hangin' out to bond the section and its nice. We had our ups and downs which somehow made our section bonded.

Sayang hindi natuloy yung house party natin with sir B haha..




6. LakasDiwa (Lakas ng Diwang Tomasino)

I consider LD as one of the main points of the year, working and dealing with great people of this party. It is where politics is redefined in a greater manner for tons of reasons, and I am happy and honored that I am part of this family.




5. 2A8 (2007-2008)

Sigh. I started in UST in this section as an irregular student taking up only 4 subjects in the first semester. Well, i had the chance to know almost all of them before the school year ended.

Our class also had a presentation entitled "Pag-aalaala at pagsasabuhay" for our Rizal Course which was also been the AMVCoA's official entry to the Dulaang Rizal last February. the whole 2A8 gave support to this considering the overnights, budget and a bunch of stuffs which we all really gave effort. This presentation even bonded the section more, though it had affected our academic performance (daw?).


I had fun with this section. At first I thought i wouldn't be part of the section, but later on, i had the chance to get along and get closer with the class. Thanks peeps! We also have our advisers Sir Pierre and Ma'am Ailil ^_^




4. Multimedia Arts (Photography, Graphics - Photoshop, AVPs, etc)

ITS MY LIFE. haha. Sir Pierre once joked about my job preference in the council and my partner is our computer.. yeah right. haha.

I didn't even consider that it would be my passport in tons of stuffs in college. From the simple softwares i use wayback in highschool, i am adjusting and currently studying complex applications. (instead of studying accounting! yeah!) lol. I am having fun while thinking of concepts, making AVPs, doing posters... others think of it as waste of time or very hard to do, well yes, but if you put your heart to it, you can. Instead in accounting again, haha.

I am very thankful to those who supported my ideas, concepts and projects. Thus, to those who gave criticsms and suggestions. I also had the chance to work for SOCC, thanks to ate telay, as their AVP Editor for Cheermania 2008.




(for 1-3 in no Particular Order --- peace ^_^)



UBE: Ultimate Bonding Experience

UBE: Ultimate Bonding Experience started if off from a term coined by our granmaster jane a year ago. We started to have our get-together stuffs during long breaks and holidays.

Last December 23, we had our anniversary get together, and it was really nice, we never had this bond way back during high school, and its nice to see us all back every UBE time. We are somehow getting closer every 'session' haha., just hope that we would still have time for each other for the next months and years to come.

I am very much close to Drei than the others before, being one of my best buds way back first year high school, known my secrets and stuffs, having same experiences in CAT and now in school politics. haha. Jane is one of my greatest advisers of every problem, my colleague from the debate team, our salutatorian, and our editor-in-chief., DK, Maki and Khen are my Group 3 buddies, inuman sessions, tambay and sorts way back HS. Izza, our valedictorian, my seatmate and colleague from the debate and editorial staff. Thanks to Jane, Drei, Maki, DK, Khen and Izza. :D




Accountancy Student Council

the ASC made my whole year remarkable and stressful. haha! No kidding, but this stress is what i can say harsh yet meaningful, heck! it is what it is all about. It redefined my meaning of Student Leadership, working with bunch of great people whom i then treated outside the bounds of just normal colleagues. we also have to put in mind that, Student Leaders are students first, and thats a fact.


I am having fun while working with them, though there would always be that problem in every situation or sorts. Like Kiel said its really "having fun while working". In terms of personal problem, we also tend to comfort each other and try to solve it, help another when one is about to fall into a problem, in terms of academics or other problems. Though i already told them about my case, but what the heck, its all over now..

I am thankful to know these persons, they really made my whole year complete. To our EBs: dennis, kuya eman, ate diane, karen, patrick, jokie, ate lei, kuya johnny... To the TEAM EC! krisha, camille, stepdad randy, mommy krissy, ivan, mikko, janine, princess, anj, jetan, macky, jay, hansel, kyle, pao, akina, kiel... sana wala akong nakalimutan. lol. jowks. Nice working with you peeps! :D

Thanks to karen and kuya emman for really guiding me from then, mommy krissy and stepdad randy for listening and taking care of me like your son haha, ate diane for being my inspiration.. naks!, dennis for being our brother inside the council, krisha and camille for being my "uwian" buddies and keeping my secrets. anj, princess and akina for listening to some of my problems and sharing stuffs ^_^


The student council is not just about the executive board and coordinators, i also met our staffers and those who help the council. Special mention to my twin brother Arch. haha. The active staffers (kilala niyo na kung sino kayo)... the whole Creative Media Team. I also had the chance to somehow get along with the Board of Organization Activities, to JPIA and Comach.

Integrity, Solidarity and Service. The theme of the ASC this year, hoping that somehow we can attain and uplift the true meaning of the three virtues of the theme. There are only 3 months left and lets make the most out of it.

Graphic Artist / Creative Team Captain, Accountancy Student Council 2008-2009
Webteam Committee Staffer, Accountancy Student Council 2007-2008

A8kada

Friendship formed from a section, bounded by distance. Okay, so they started of having already each other during the first year, until some of us (including me) came in during the second year, and now having troubles because of distance. It is one of my closest peers, and to think, in one year, its like many years of friendship, having experienced problems and situations.

In AMVCoA, it is said that only 1 out of 2 or 3 can end up in graduation, and sigh, that is what happened to us. Thinking from 23 of us, we are currently trimmed to 12 and by next year, i think it would just be 8? or so. Despite this downfall to our friendship, we tend to somehow revive that certain bond we had. During the earlier part of the year, our momentum, wherein we had our overnight moments, hangin' out with "Tonight" by FM Static as our theme.

But, this distance is what i can think can control and make us mature. Hopefully, we can withstand these challenges and continue what we have. We already faced tons of problems, and we are about to face more. sigh. Special thanks to hearty for merely being my "so-called bestfriend" sharing the same passion and helping me til the end of the battle (alam mo na naman lahat to eh), jazna for listening to my probs and for my dream shirt.. Partner Charm, for helping me think and decide, Claire for cheering me up, Tin who always comforts me when i'm down, Chummy, Chang and Aira for guiding me during the times i am not attending classes (lol), Joc and Julian, my summer classmates (lol), kat for sharing stuffs and to Rakel, Jake, Trek, Hai, Bon, Vince, Peter, Mel, Paul, Charms and Kel.






Well thats it! Thanks for reading this 3-day blog. haha. Happy New Year Peeps and wish you all the best for the coming year. :D

Every Year consists of 31,556,926 Seconds. Each second may represent something bad or something good, nevertheless, all of these fragments consists something greater to remember. Year 2008 is not complete without completing its 31+ Million seconds.

Achievements are the cherry and the cream on top.
Friends, Family and New Companions are the base and foundation.
Problems and Triumphs signifies the bittersweet ingredients.
Memories and Photographs are the spices that sparks up the flavor.

These are all part of our delightful intakes we are having for the rest of our lives.

been too passive...

"letting go of my dreams and to live according to others"

for the past merely 2 months, i've been hearing words and stuffs, asking about my decision and plans, well isn't weird that others have been too concerned with me and i am not even bothering to ask myself with such questions. It's my future darn.

yesterday night, we celebrated paskuhan, oh yeah... after which the pageant peeps asked me to go with them, and so i did. hangin' out @ moa. kuya emman asked me about my plans, yet i don't have any, what strucked me is that he said that "buhay mo yan..."

oh yeah, its my damn life, yet i don't have the means to control my own, living in the expectations and wants of my parents, and setting aside my own freedom and decisions. I know for a fact that they have a point for being such, but i can't be the one who they want me to be. Shit, I wasted 3 years of my life thanks to them.

If you would ask others who know me way back in highschool, I am not acting myself right now. I am a person who will do everything for the sake of being one of the top, but now that I am facing one of the recessions in my life, the deepest i guess, I am not doing anything. Too relaxed and contented.

"Wake Up!" if only i could tell it to myself.. but sigh, its as if i am too afraid not to make another mistake again. its my life i am wasting for cryin' out loud..

I can no longer aim for my dreams. My parents decided back to continue the punishment they are trying to give me for years... with this, am i making another mistake of my life? why can't i focus myself to be the one they want me to be, i can and i sort of want to be an accountant but the means of being one is out of my reach.

I've been too passive about a life-changing problem... T_T

detached to a wasted reality

"its like killing my own self every second... watching my own blood.. and standing still as if I am not wounded."


If there would be a part of my life wherein I need someone to hold on to, to be courageous enough to stand still, and to adjust my whole life... that would be now. I am not a perfect person who can live up to my own will, and sad to say, this is not one of my plans, i have no "Plan B" for such.

Expecting help from those who expected my help is not possible, in fact there are those who even took for granted the situation I am on, playing jokes on me, but silly me, I even laugh at my own mistakes.

Every factors why I strive to live seemed to turn back against me. Got detached with my bestfriend though temporarily, a big family gap is currently arising, She almost left me alone without notice... Its like living in a sea of the unknown.

I am an extrovert person, still imature and independent to others around me. Now, when I needed all of them, it seems that its really a Solitary Battlefield. I needed to back my own self up to survive, to bring back those whom I needed to be with.

My parents did set me free and there would be a time that I will be free with no strings attached from my parents. With what happened to me recently, there's a big gap that weakens me, also with the fact that I am sort of detached with my closest friends for some time now due to some factors.

I am currently in an ocean of the unknown, floating in the skies of uncertainty, living my life as if I am in a wasted reality.


I have to go on, find a way to succeed.. there's only a few steps remaining in this chapter.. hang on to the right path. (sigh)




(continued 11.25.08)

I am really bothered, that instead of going to class, i rather think alone and have a plan, or if I'm in class, i'll still be thinking of the same thing... I may never reach my dreams as I expected to happen. my parents are still pushing me for the same thing, the same reason of my defeat. I keep on telling them that i'll be the wasted person I am today if they'll be the same wasted parents I have, for they are the one who guides me. (shocks)

Everyone expects me to have a plan by this time, but luckily, i don't have any. I am still floating... So if one asks me about my plans, shit, I am having a hard time reasoning and explaining why I am in such situation. I thought I can be this, I thought I can do this, but in the end, I can't do what I want to do.

I wanted to pursue what I want, but I would always end up following others, and end up a loser, defeated against the world, and defeated against my own self.